The Last Man Standing

The past two and a half weeks have been such a mighty hell for me that I myself am surprised why I’m still healthy. Maybe it’s my punishment from heaven for being too much of a pragmatic and near-atheist pessimist. At any rate, things aren’t turning out fine for my wife at the moment, (thank God it did for my daughter already.)

My wife had several illnesses during the said time. She had frequent high blood pressure during the first week and early the second week, then pneumonia the rest of the said period, (then now a doctor claims it to be pneumonitis, thus refuting another doctor’s earlier claim that it was bronchitis.) As for my daughter she contracted fever then coughs and colds at about the same time my wife was having frequent high blood pressure.

That only had to mean I do household chores on top of my work on weekdays. So I had to wash clothes and iron my own for the office, take my daughter to school and fetch her afterwards more often, help her in making her assignments, reviewing her for her quizzes and exams, play my daughter’s nanny’s role, buy food and medicine for the sick people I had to care for almost 24 hours, take them to the clinic/hospital wherever possible or necessary anytime during the almost 24 hours I’m awake and a whole lot of other tiring and seemingly endless stuff. All of these aside from the fact that I had to endure 8 hours of my regular work and 3 to 4 hours of total daily travel time and the fact that I’m already stuck up in debt and had my little savings blown off by the entire fiasco.

I try to stay cool most of the time but there are times when I couldn’t help but blow my top. I had to. The adversaries are too Herculean and the time I had to endure them was too long. Hence I got to toughen up on my daughter even for the most trivial reasons, once even appalling my mother-in-law who had to meddle to keep my poor horrified kid from getting beaten up too much and my wife who almost suffered a heart attack at the sight of my ire. Hence I got to shout curses and expletives at my wife for the most menial reasons such as for being too much demanding, for being too much of a pain… for being too much of a nobody.

It broke my heart (or what’s left of it) to see her weep and feel so helpless, so hopeless because a lot of people had to be affected really hard to mind her. Now is not the time for remorse however. After all maybe I’ll get to have my day in hell for these but I’m definitely seeing to it that it’s going to be long after I give them the kind of life they deserve from me.

How much longer I can keep up with this? I don’t know. How I managed to remain the last man standing? I don’t know. I only saw to it that I had to eat right, increase my daily dosage of multivitamins from 500 up to 1,000 mg (then maybe up to 1,500 soon) and had a steady supply of cigarettes so I could light up something apart from my impatience. Then apart from the big fat eyebags and occasional dizziness I amusingly got to gain weight despite the whole mess I’m in.

How long can I last adversity? I don’t know. So far it’s two weeks and four days… and counting.

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